Journal

Courage…or something like it

Next week I am embarking on a new journey in my life, and there is not a single cell in my body that isn’t shaking with some amount of fear. On February 11th, I will walk into the computer lab at the local college and begin the adventure of instructing an introduction to computers course.

This is something I know I have the knowledge for, I understand the course material incredibly well, and have been teaching it to people in one on one environments for years.

Yet somehow, I can’t seem to convince myself that I am ready for this type of environment. The idea of walking into an unknown situation, even with the incredible support that I will have there, has me wishing I could hide under my blankets and postpone this adventure just a little while longer. I am incredulous that so many people believe that I will do this well. (Some have even gone so far as to tell me they believe I will love it!)

The thing is, this doesn’t have to do with being unready, uninterested or unwilling. I am more than enough of all three to know that this is a step in the right direction. I am trying to take opportunities as they come, because I really don’t want to be that person that feels they missed out on something great or wishes they had taken the chance when they had the time or freedom or money, etc. I know this is something I want to do and, with some effort, could be great at. Which is why I said yes, which is why I have a meeting on Wednesday to get the lessons broken out well and to tie up any loose ends, which is why I am choosing to move forward when everything in me says to hide.

You see,  I am not fearful because I am unable. I am fearful, because there isn’t enough light to see the whole picture yet. I don’t have every detail mapped out, I haven’t trained or been taught how to do this.  I am essentially walking half – blind into the unknown and trusting that I will find something good there.

I have to rely on my ability to communicate, to troubleshoot, and to learn on the fly. I have to rely on the amazing group of people at the college who are willing and able to help me out when I run into something I don’t know how to do, or a question I don’t know how to answer. And most importantly, I have to accept that a touch of courage and a bit of stubbornness is what will carry me through this next week of prep, and the first week wandering uncharted territory.

Fear can be paralyzing, or it can be motivating.

I want to do  my best to let it be a motivator, especially as I take on this new journey, because if you can take that first blind step … you never know where the path may lead!

Wish me luck & I hope that whatever uncharted lands you find yourself wandering through this week will prove to hold something wonderful!

Be brave friends, and have a great week!

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